So I'm feeling pretty good about my parenting just now.

Not because my kids are evidence of any kind of good parenting.  On the contrary.  Paul, for example, defies the most basic standards of personal hygiene.  He's a nice kid, sure, but he consistently embodies a level of filth that leaves me in the mind of Pig Pen, or perhaps a Dickensian orphan who has time-traveled to gain access to markers. I wince when we're in public and I suddenly realize his filthy shirt and pants are complemented by brown smudges on his neck, dirt up to his elbows, and blue Sticky-Tack in his hair.  Even washing doesn't seem to make all that much difference.  He is the only person I know who can come out of the shower with shampooed hair but dirty hands.  Dirty hands?  Even if you skimp and don't get around to washing all the parts of yourself, wouldn't you have to at least be holding soap in your hand part of the time?

Lest this post turn into a list of my children's faults, allow me to (ironically) get back to complimenting myself on my parenting.  An article on Time.com, "Can These Parents Be Saved?" addresses the issue of over-parenting.  This has always kind of baffled me, probably because I am too selfish and lazy to do it myself.  I can check every one of Ian's grades and assignments online now that he is in middle school, but I hardly ever think to do it.  Paul walks the half-mile to and from school by himself because he did it with Ian last year, he likes to, and I like not having to transport him. The kids are great at making their own healthy breakfasts and lunches--something I consider a valuable skill--but they are great at it mainly because otherwise they might not get any.  My mother considers this actual neglect, by the way, but I want to go on record as saying that Matt or I do always make them dinner, and I usually remember to shout "Eat something!" in their direction at regular intervals.

Anyway, my favorite paragraph of this article states what I have maintained for years: that kids in America are the safest kids have ever been in the history of humankind.  The paranoia so many parents have about their kids' safety is pretty much unfounded.  Sure, there are dangers, but the biggest dangers to children's well-being seem to be issues like obesity and stress, not abduction or trick-or-treating. 

And on that note, I'm going to send Ian and Paul outside to run laps around the block in the pitch dark.  Just kidding.  It's time for Paul's shower.