It's been nearly a year since I last updated this blog, mainly because it turns out that I do have some sort of boundaries after all. My last post announced the news of Matt's and my divorce, and once I'd delivered that news, it turned out that even I didn't feel the need to share every thought and emotion that went through my head as we shook out the building blocks of our lives and watched them settle into new positions. Go figure.
So here it is, about ten months later, and I have free time. Lots of free time. Lots and lots and lots, at least every other week when the boys are with Matt. Last week was my first real week home after my semester ended, and even though I did have the kids, I was bored out of my mind. Though I love my job, I am really a lazy person who looks forward to having nothing to do, and yet somehow I can also find having nothing to do pretty depressing. I had countless conversations in my head last week in which I sounded like the most annoying child about three weeks into summer vacation:
"I'm bored. Bored bored bored bored BORED."
"Why don't you practice your violin?" I suggest helpfully.
"I don't WANNA practice my violin. That's too much work."
"Why don't you read your book? You got several new books from the library yesterday."
"I've ALREADY read my book today. I'm bored of reading!"
"Well, you know you need to go to the grocery store. Do that now."
"I don't WANNA go to the store. That's boring. I'll do it later. I want to do something FUN!!!"
"Well, why don't you watch tv?"
"There's nothing on!"
"Really? You have TiVo and on Comcast OnDemand and Netflix and the library one block away...you can't find yourself a nice movie to watch?"
"No!" (Stamping foot.) "There are no good movies. I've seen them all."
"Well then young lady, perhaps I need to give you a chore."
"No! Chores are boring!"
No matter how many suggestions I gave myself, I shot them all down petulantly. But I did get in touch with my friend S., who is home with small kids, and begged her to get together. "Anytime!" I said. "I'm always free now. Just tell me when and where. Please!!" So a Friday morning breakfast date was set to be the social highlight of my week (or at least the during-the-day part of the week)...yay!
And what happened? I got the boys off to school on Friday, poured myself a cup of coffee, and happily sat down on my back porch with my book, finally getting used to the idea of free time. I'd read a while, I thought to myself, then go on my walk, and practice, and maybe watch last Saturday's episode of Dr. Who. Then at 9:10 I get a text..."Donde Amiga?" Now, I don't actually know Spanish but I do have about a jillion years of higher education and made the connection between the text and the breakfast date I had begged for...and was not at! What's wrong with me? All this free time must be atrophying my brain. I will become more and more stupid as the summer wears on, edging closer and closer to a complete vegetative state. And if I can manage to carve out the time in my action-packed days to occasionally write something here, you, dear reader, will get to watch.
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